This is Father's Victory
by Destined Darkness
Summary: Drabbles about the Angels of Heaven and the things they wanted, the things they wished would happen and the things they just wanted to forget.
1. The Breaking of the First Four

I discovered I like Luci and Gabe, and I discovered that I like to think that Gabriel was Luci's favourite brother and Lucifer was Gabe's. :)

Very first Supernatural thing so R&R :D

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><p>"<em>No, Mikey, stop. Stop it. Luci, please." <em>

"_Stay back, Gabriel, foolish brother." _

"_Get out of the way, Gabe." _

_A scream, strong arms pulling him back. A cry he's gone, he was pushed._

"_This is Father's victory." _

_Four now down to three, and the Father vanishes along with the apple of His eye. _

Lucifer's gone. Michael's pretending he's alright, he tried for a peaceful ending; all he got was tragedy. Raphael just doesn't care anymore. Gabriel just wanted his brothers to stop fighting.

As he loses his beloved brother and his cherished Father disappears, Gabriel looks around at Heaven, his home.

_Screw this, I'm done. I'm not an angel anymore._

And he falls from Heaven. The Earth needs a Trickster; the Archangel needs a new identity. And four are now down to two.

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><p>This is probably going to end up as a bunch of drabbles but meh.<p> 


	2. Are You Happy?

I got bored, so here you are. :D

By the way, I haven't actually seen further than Mystery Spot, in Season 3 I think it was. I've seen random episodes throughout the whole series, like Hammer of the Gods and stuff, but majority of my info comes from reading up synopsis's and checking character bios and random youtube clips. :) And some random fics as well :P I'm going to continue to SLOWLY make my way through the series, along with the Classic!Doctor Who and a few others. :) And I mean very slowly...

Don't own nothing.

YAY! A Review! :D Thankies Frelphego ^_^

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><p>"<em>Luci, I'm home."<em>

_But he's not, he can't go home, home is where the heart is but…_

"_I know where your heart truly lies. Here."_

_And he's dying, he's choking. Can feel the body he's wearing bleed._

"_Don't forget, you learnt all your tricks from me, little brother."_

_And he screams as the blade turns, as his Grace explodes out of him, as his favourite brother kills him._

"_This is Father's Victory." Words said so long ago, his dying thought a he crumples to the floor._

As he breathes in, he can scarcely believe he's alive again, but then he sees Him. His Dad, his Father. The man he believed in. He smiles at him and Gabriel just wants to break, he takes a deep breath in. "Is this what you wanted, Dad? Are you happy now, Father? Do you feel victorious? Your children are beating their own brother's down. Is this what you always wanted, Father? Please be happy, Father, your children could not bear it if you were not happy." And then he vanishes without a trace because he's done. He won't do it again.

He can't bear to watch his family tear themselves apart anymore and for what? For their Father's love? Their Father left them, planted seeds of doubt in their minds, broke down the bonds that had held the Kingdom of Heaven together, held them together, why?

_This is Father's Victory._

The Father's victory, His children's deaths.

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><p>I like to think God resurrected Gabriel after Lucifer killed him but that Gabriel went off somewhere in TimeSpace because he couldn't bear to watch his brothers fight anymore. :)


	3. Brothers

_Another little Angels thing. _

_I do not own the song. It's Schism by Tool. Maynard and the rest of the band own the rights. _

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><p><em>There was a time that the pieces fit<em>

Laughter, smiles, the sky radiating with the joy of it.

"Stop it. Michael… help! Luci, stop it!" Gabriel can't breathe as Lucifer assaults him with clouds. Raphael sits up on a higher cloud bank, laughing as he watches them. Michael smiles and just rolls his eyes.

"Actually, little brother, I think I'll leave you to get yourself out of this." He says and through a break in the clouds, he can see his baby brother's pout and he laughs. "Sorry."

_But I watched them fall away. Mildewed and smouldering, strangled by our coveting._

"No Mikey, stop. Stop it. Luci, please!" Gabriel's screaming, he doesn't know what else to do, he doesn't know how he can stop them. He jumps between his two oldest brothers, putting himself between the swords that are tearing them apart.

"Stay back, Gabriel, foolish brother." Michael sneers, there's nothing but a cold darkness in his eyes.

"Get out of the way, Gabe." Lucifer says, his eyes aflame with the hurt of Michael's betrayal. Raphael grabs Gabriel and pulls him back as Michael shoves Lucifer over the edge, casting him out of Heaven and into the pit. Gabriel screams as Lucifer falls.

"This is Father's Victory."

_I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing._

"I have no choice, after what you did." Michael says and Lucifer almost looks offended.

"What I did? What if it wasn't my fault?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means He made me who I am. God _wanted_ the Devil." And Gabriel thinks Lucifer's been thinking about this for a long time. Gabriel thinks that maybe he should have been thinking about it too. Gabriel knows it didn't even cross Michael's mind and Raphael never would have given a damn, he doesn't give a damn enough now to even try to stop his brothers.

_Doomed to crumble unless we grow and strengthen our communication._

"We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests? And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard." And Gabriel hopes Michael sees, Gabriel hopes that Michael has a heart enough to choose his brother over his orders.

"I'm sorry, I-I can't do that. I am a good son and I have my orders." Gabriel sighs, he'd hoped that maybe it'd have gone differently this time. Had hoped that maybe things wouldn't turn out so badly and his brothers wouldn't fight and kill each other. Had hoped that maybe they returned to Heaven and Gabriel stopped hiding and pretending to be dead and they could be brothers again and Dad would return to them.

_Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed brothers._

"You made our Father leave."

"No one makes Dad do anything, He is doing this _to us_." And it looks like Lucifer's eyes are going to tear up but it's just a trick of the light.

"You're a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you." And Gabriel turns away and vanishes; he won't watch them rip themselves apart again.

_Between supposed brothers._

"I've been riding the pine a long time, but now I'm in the game and I'm not on your side, or Michaels." And it had hurt Gabriel to say that, to actually admit it to himself that he was also in the game, the game that had torn them all apart. He'd just wanted his brothers to stop fighting, how was it that he joined the fight too, against the both of them?


	4. Free Will

"_Brother, don't make me do this."_

_"No one makes us do anything."_

"And you made our Father leave."

"No one makes Dad do anything. He is doing this to _us_." He wants to add 'all of us' because it's about Gabriel and Raphael as well but he can't say that because Gabriel's dead and he doesn't even know where Raphael is anymore.

"You're a monster, Lucifer."

_But Dad still wants me. Dad _wanted_ a devil. _

"And I have to kill you."

_No, you don't, of course you don't. You don't have to do anything, Michael. No one makes us do anything. Not anymore. _

"If that's the way it's got to be then… I'd like to see you try."

And he wouldn't because he doesn't want to fight his brother. He doesn't want to kill another of his family but he will if he truly has to because God gave humans free will, but Father gave Luci free will too.


	5. Fledgling

I'm not sure if Raphy is actually a mean dude, it's just that well... while Michael and Gabriel were off dealing with the Lucifer incident, Raphael didn't even make an appearance and apparently he wants to restart the Apocalypse or something. Whatever. I still haven't gotten to the end of season 3 yet. :/ Shut up, I know I need to get on to watching those two last episodes so I can bloody well start season 4.

Oh and Gabriel's a fledgling in this, that just means it's a fancy way of saying he's a young angel before the age of 10 :P

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><p>"Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother."<p>

_"Luciiiii! Raphy won't teach me how to fly." Lucifer looks over his desk at his fledgling little brother and he smiles at the adorable little pout on his brother's face and the tears welling in his brothers young eyes._

_"Now, Gabe, you know Raphael is very busy these days, upholding the statute of the air or whatever excuse he's using now. Did you go and ask Michael?" Lucifer says, trying not to sound amused. Gabriel sniffs and his lower lip wobbles as he tries not to cry._

_"Michael says that I should only disturb him if I'm dying or something's wrong with you or Raphy because otherwise he doesn't want my annoying face distracting him from his…holiest of holy sac… sac… his work." Gabriel says, staring at the floor, in this way he misses the dark look that crosses Lucifer's face._

_"I'll teach you to fly. C'mon." Gabriel doesn't notice the way the words are ground out._

_Gabriel finds himself flying an hour later and 30 minutes after that, Michael seethes when Gabriel bests him in a race. An hour after that, Raphael injures Gabriel's wings and throws him from Heaven when the little fledgling wins his Archangel knife. It is Gabriel's screaming as he plummets helplessly towards the Earth's surface that alerts Lucifer that something's wrong. The next morning, Raphael wakes up to find his wings shaven and his office in shambles, all he can hear is Gabriel's tinkering laugh as he flies away with big brother Luci._

And Lucifer stares at the black wings, just a shadow of what they once were, just a shadow, a mere memory of the Angel Lucifer had the honour of calling his baby brother, the angel Lucifer just murdered.

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><p>R and R dudes and dudettes :)<p> 


	6. Life and Death

_Luci can have regrets, he loved too much, that was his problem and because of that love, he has regrets and so very many of them. _

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><p><em>"Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother."<em>

Lucifer looks down at his little brother, he stares at the black wings, and he thinks he's going to cry, remembering the day he taught his brother just how to use them. Father gave Gabe wings; Luci taught him how to use them. And now Lucifer has taken Gabriel's life. Gabe asked once how he was meant to live, what living really meant. Lucifer knew at the time he was also asking if he could die. Luci had refrained from answering the unasked question. But now… well now, Lucifer's taught him the other half of the lesson. He showed Gabe how to live, it's only right he's the one to teach him how to die.


	7. Play the Game

_So I think this is Raphy talking to Luci but I'm so totally not sure. :P I'm being assaulted by archangels... it's so awkward._

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><p><em>"Daddy was mean to me, so I'm going to smash up all His toys."<em>

And that includes Gabriel, doesn't it, Luci? He's one of Dad's toys, same as Michael and same as you. And he's there tonight to die by your hand, for you, for us, all of us. It's not about _them, _it's about you. He needed something to give him the strength to stand there tonight and they just happened to provide it. He's going to die Luci, he understands and he forgives you. Please forgive Michael, forgive Dad. Please, just love _them_, they've torn us apart, don't let them win. Gabriel never ran from Heaven, from us, because you and Michael were fighting, he ran because he always knew this night would come. He knew you'd kill him and he wasn't ready to accept that, now he is. Plunge the blade into his Grace, turn it, kill him, drain his Grace from his body, destroy him, murder him, play the game. This is how Father wanted things to go, don't you see, brother? Dad's testing us, again and we're failing. We always fail.

_"Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, Little brother."_

And who did you learn yours from, Luci? Who gave you the ability to stir up so much trouble? Who commanded you to teach our baby brother about the ways of the world and how to manipulate things to his benefit? Who, Lucifer? Who wanted you to be the Devil? Who is doing this to us, brother? His love is destroying us; you see that, don't you? You have to see it. Please see it.


	8. Love Always Wins

_"Love wins, love always wins"_

Dad loved you best, you were the apple of His all seeing eye, then He asked you to love them more than you loved Him and you couldn't, and I know, you couldn't see what Dad saw in them, I couldn't either, Luci but I knew that fighting would only cause a rift to be formed, but you didn't see that either and now, look at us. You're the devil, you're Satan, you're Heaven's enemy; Dad's enemy. Look at Michael; he's the good son, Dad's greatest little soldier. Raphael; the first among us all to lose faith in our Father, but he is not the last. Look at me; the coward, the baby, the son who couldn't even fly without help. Look at us. What have we become? This is not who we used to be, this is not how we thought it would go. Dad said that love would always win but it doesn't, it's not. _Look at us!_ You're going to kill me. I can see it. I know. Michael tossed you from Heaven, Father left us. Look at us. You're going to fight Michael and one of you is going to lose and that's not love. But Dad always said that love would always win, but it's not. It doesn't. Look at us. How did Father get things so wrong? Look at us. We're broken, we've fallen and Father still hasn't caught us. Look at us. My love for you is killing me tonight. Your love for Dad is killing us all. Dad's love for us, Dad's 'love' for _us _is going to destroy me tonight, it's going to force you to fight Michael and fight to the death. Look at us. And maybe Dad was right, maybe love does always win. Look at us. Dad's love destroyed everything, maybe it does always win…


	9. Chapter's End

_Here you are, Ellie, the little happy piece I said I'd do. :P It's a sort of 'happy ending' if you will to an otherwise tragic scene. _

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><p><em>"I can't kill my brother."<em>

And he hadn't lied. He truly hadn't, he'd always known that no matter what happened, he could not kill Lucifer. It wasn't that he was a coward or that he was afraid, it was that he physically could _not _kill Lucifer. Lucifer was the best brother he ever had, in saying that, he's got so many brothers and yet, in all the time separated from them, Lucifer remains the one he misses the most. Lucifer had taught him all he knew, in essence, Gabriel was just Lucifer in training and this time around, the Apprentice doesn't kill the Master, the Master doesn't kill his favourite student either, he just makes it look like he did and that's good enough for the both of them. It's the most meaningful 'goodbye' they can ever hope to receive. The most heartfelt 'I love you, bro' either of them could ever hope to get. The kindest end to a chapter of broken dreams, bloodshed and fallen angels.


	10. Freedom

Uhm... here :)

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><p><em>"Part of me wishes we didn't have to do this."<em>

Lucifer's sorry that Michael doesn't see that he's got free will too. Lucifer's sorry that Michael honestly believes this is his fault. Sorry that when he saw what Father was doing, he rebelled. He's sorry he couldn't break the hold Dad had on him; the hold he couldn't stop Him from gaining.

"_I'm sorry."_

And he is, in his own way. He never wanted this. How could he ever have wanted this? And he's sorry. Sorry that he couldn't rebel with Lucifer. Sorry that he couldn't have just held Luci's hand and every argument would've fallen to pieces, like it used to when it was just the two of them. He's sorry that somewhere along the way, none of them thought about how the change would affect Luci. He's sorry that he couldn't save him, couldn't convince him that Dad wasn't tossing him away, even though He was. He's a good son, he has his orders, he doesn't want to follow them but what choice does he have? He's not like Lucifer, no one's like Luci, not even Gabriel.

"_Lucifer, you're my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks!"_

And Gabriel does love him. Loves him so much he's here tonight, offering his Grace over to the brother who has lost his own. Gabriel loves him so much it hurts. And Gabriel's sorry because he knows exactly how Lucifer feels. Lucifer was Dad's favourite, Gabriel was Lucifer's and Lucifer was Gabriel's too. The night Michael's orders from Dad destroyed the kingdom of heaven, destroyed the bond of four brothers, Lucifer lost dad's love, Gabriel lost Lucifer's and there was no one there to explain things to either of them. To help them understand why, no one to make them see they weren't being tossed away, there was no one because they were. They were being tossed away, it was just a simple matter of Dad getting bored with His old toys, growing up a little and throwing them away in favour of the new ones. That's why He did this, that's why He left, because He was tossing them away. Gabriel had absolutely no doubts as to where God went when He left Heaven. Gabriel knows damn sure that Raphael knows where He is too… he's His protector after all.

"_And what does God want?"_

'_He wants you to have freedom.'_

"_And what does He want us to do with it?"_

And Raphael already knows what Dad wants them to do with it; he knows because they are doing it, they've been doing it for countless centuries now. Dying. Dad wanted them to have freedom so they could kill themselves with it. He gave it to Lucifer first and Lucifer took the bait and took the fall. Then Gabriel inherited the disease and he ran and didn't look back. Raphael's still not sure whether he or Michael ever succumbed; Dad knows Michael kept fighting until the end. Dad knows that Raphael hung back, didn't get involved, didn't dear risk involving himself… until now.

"_It's simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it."_

They are, Cas, they have, and so have you.


	11. Witness Protection

I've been struggling to actually put this one into words... so sorry if it's kinda crappily done. :P It was my 5th attempt. :P

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><p>"<em>I'm in Witness Protection."<em>

And no one ever asked him what it was he had witnessed. He was okay with that because that way he didn't have to tell them, didn't have to break his heart all over again with reliving those memories. If they had asked and had waited for an answer, he thinks he'd have replied with something like "I saw the end of God." Or "I watched Michael tear out his brother's hearts." Or "I watched the world's first Father destroy the world's first sons."

And that doesn't do the situation justice, doesn't do the memories justice, doesn't do them justice, but it's the best he would have been able to provide because no matter what he can't just say "I watched as God's second son was cast from Heaven by His first while His third lost all faith and His fourth ran like the coward they always knew he was. I watched as Heaven lost its paradise status. I watched as Lucifer was proved correct, the humans were flawed, they were murderous. I watched as they destroyed this beautiful planet. The most beautiful thing Father created and I watched them destroy it. I watched as Michael worked day and night making soldiers out of the Angels of the Lord for this pointless bloodbath against our brother. I watched Raphael fight with the Angels of the Lord even though he, the Lord's third son, one of the only four to ever lay eyes on God, gave up his faith and gave up his Father for dead. I witnessed the breaking of the first four and the absence of the Creator." He can't say that. He can never say that.

So when he's brought back from the dead, he goes back into Witness Protection under the name of Luca Hellson. And when there's a burning in his pocket from an amulet he retrieved from a wastebasket in an old motel as he's asked why he's in Witness Protection he says "Because my absent Father might decide He liked taking mine and my brothers lives and that He wants to do it all over again…" and the other person just stares at him before buying him a drink and saying 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.' Gabriel doesn't even tell him that he's just brought the Archangel his Dad's favourite drink… Gabriel is too upset, too lost in his own misery to notice the pain shining from the other mans eyes. Gabriel is too mixed up in his own sorrow to notice that, when the man just vanishes from the bar, the amulet in his pocket stops burning. Gabriel doesn't notice he's just looked into the eyes of his Father and told Him how badly He's screwed up, he doesn't notice he's just received the apology he's strived for years to hear. Gabriel just doesn't notice, doesn't want to notice.

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><p>Luca Hellson. Luca is another name for Lucifer and well Hellson should be obviously a link to a son of hell... :P I just like to think that if Gabriel needed to pick a new name, he'd want something that tied in with his favouritest brother. :P<p> 


	12. Poetry

All angels were kids once, although they were called Fledglings, and they were raised by other angels. I assume (like to think) God raised Michael and Michael raised Lucifer and together they raised Raphael and then Lucifer raised Gabriel who had the honour of raising Castiel... so yeah. :) Oh and cos Cas was raised by Gabe who was raised by Luci, Gabe was Cas's favourite and Luci was Castiel's second favourite because Luci was Gabe's favourite :) And I think I just confused you all... and myself... o.o

Thankies for the reviews. :)

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><p>"<em>And an Older Brother saying 'Don't step on that fish, Castiel, big plans for that fish.'"<em>

Gabriel hums as he watches the waves; fledgling Castiel watches the waves too, but for a whole 'nother reason. Gabriel looks down when Castiel tugs on his shirt.

"Yes, little brother, what is it?" he says and Castiel points to a little grey fish on the beach. Gabriel smiles. "Ahh, yes. Don't step on that fish, Castiel, big plans for that fish." He says before going back to watching the waves. Castiel gives him a confused expression before turning to watch the fish disappear back into the water.

"_I remember the Tower of Babel – all 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell they howled 'Divine Wrath!' But come on, dried dung can only be stacked so high."_

Castiel decides he's going to forget what really caused the fall of the Tower. Gabriel thinks that's a wonderful idea as he makes his quick exit, scooping his little brother up as he does.

"If anyone asks, especially Michael, I didn't do that, alright, little man? That was all… just… not me." He says as he flies them back to Heaven. Castiel just smiles and nods. He would never do anything that would get Gabriel in trouble.

"_Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like teaching poetry to fish."_

"No, no, try again! 'What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.' C'mon…" Gabriel floats over the water, the little grey fish from before staring at him as if he's crazy. Castiel just smiles from where he's seated on the beach. He decides he's not going to tell anyone about this either, more for his own sake than Gabriel's though…

"_I thought you said we were like family? Well I think that too. Shouldn't trust run both ways?"_

"Goodbye, Lucifer… these are Father's orders"

"You don't have to follow them, Michael…" Castiel watches at his eldest brother shoves his second favourite brother out of Heaven and into the pit.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? HOW DARE YOU! He's your brother, Michael. Your brother. You raised him." Castiel watches as his favourite brother screams his rage, his disbelief and his grief at their eldest brother.

"It was Father's will, brother. You're welcome to join him." And that is Michael's brilliant excuse; his way of saying the bonds they had… they're broken.

"I see, so you're just looking for another of your brothers to toss out on their asses, huh? I'll save you the trouble; by the way, did you notice that the big man's left the building? Yeah… you just destroyed everything, for nothing. Goodbye Michael." And Castiel screams as he watches his mentor, his favourite brother throw himself over the edge. He runs after him only to find strong arms holding him back. He screams to be let go, to be allowed to follow his best friend, his brother, but he's not let go.

"I'm sorry, Castiel." And in that moment, whatever emotions, whatever human qualities Gabriel had striven so hard to instil in him, they vanished, completely and utterly and Castiel became a pawn in Michael's army against Lucifer. But he remembered… he remembered an older brother telling him not to step on a fish, because there were big plans for that fish, plans that may or may not have involved said fish learning poetry. He remembered watching an older brother get distracted as he was landing and accidentally knock a 37 feet high dung tower over. He remembers the older brother who was his mentor, his guide for a big part of his life. And he remembers when the trust between family members lay bleeding and broken on the clouds of Heaven.

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><p>Hey... the poetry fish thing had to come from somewhere, right? :P<p> 


	13. Not Literally

Uhm. Here.

Yes, I know Angels don't actually bleed and that it's their vessels who bleed and all that shiz... but I don't care. He's not being literal... so... *immature poking of the tongue*

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><p>There is a time in Gabriel's existence that he hates above all, a time that physically and mentally hurts him to think about. It is a time when the white clouds of Heaven were stained red with the blood of the Angels, not literally, though, in Gabriel's opinion, they may as well have been.<p>

Gabriel fights back tears every time he thinks of Heaven, the dwelling he cast himself out of after it became a house and no longer his home. He can not recall how many brothers and sisters he lost the night Lucifer fell. He can not muster the strength to try to remember. When he thinks of Heaven, when, on the anniversary of that night, he remembers how they all tumbled together, the innocent and the guilty, he thinks about how he never knew at the time that all of them, innocent or otherwise, would become demons in the end, and really, what choice did they have? They'd just been cast down from their home, forbidden to return. Gabriel thinks it was honourable the way some of them lasted into the 21st century before they fell, not literally because they'd already fallen, but now they _were_ the Fallen.

Gabriel remembers the last time he was in Heaven. Lucifer and a third of Heaven's Angels had just fallen, they would not be the only ones to fall in the years to come and well, he says 'fallen' as if they accidently tripped over the edge, he really means 'pushed' or 'dropped' or some other word that meant it was not of their own will. Gabriel had found himself at the edge of Heaven itself, standing on the very spot where Michael had shoved Lucifer over the edge. He felt like he'd been rooted to the spot. Gabriel had understood why he'd felt anger, despair, grief, agony, hatred, betrayal and so many other emotions and feelings that welled up within his Grace, this was the place where the family bonds of the Host of Heaven were torn apart and tossed aside, where two brothers ripped each other's hearts out, and the hearts of all of their siblings who were forced to watch. Again, it was not literal, but Gabriel still thinks it may as well have been, maybe it would have hurt less that way. Somehow Gabriel doubts that.

Gabriel can barely remember what Heaven was like before The Fall. He knows it was Paradise, knows that he revelled in having his Father's voice in his and his older brother's minds only. He knows that no matter how horrible Lucifer and Michael's frequent spats got, he could always rely on them being a family at the end of the day… that isn't the case anymore and Heaven wasn't the way it used to be and it still hurts Gabriel to think like that. He can't understand why Father keeps going wrong; why He creates beautiful things and then lets His children destroy them. It started with, well the Leviathan, Gabriel assumes, then they were locked away and it moved onto Heaven, with them, the brothers and it slowly progressed onto Earth with the mud-monkeys and now the most beautiful things Father ever created have been ruined by His children and He doesn't care and Gabriel just can't figure out the point.

And, because there is a time in Gabriel's existence that physically and mentally hurts him to think about, he flinches every time he sees a drop of red blood on a white or see-through surface; he flinches because he remembers the time when the white clouds of Heaven were stained red with the blood of the Angels, but not literally, though, in his opinion, they may as well have been.


	14. Teaching

Just something cutesie I made while waiting to get onto painting my room :)

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><p>"Father, what's this?" Fledgling Michael asks, pointing at a little fish pushing itself onto shore. Michael sees his Father smile.<p>

"Don't step on the fish, Michael, I have very, very big plans for that fish..." He says, and He sees the confusion on Michael's face, before curiosity takes over.

"Can I teach him how to fly?" he asks and Father laughs before shaking his head.

"No, Mikey, fish can not fly. I gave them the ability to breathe underwater, that is their gift, whereas yours is the ability to fly." He says and watches the way Michael's wings droop and his eyes dull the smallest bit. "One day, you'll be able to teach your siblings how to fly, though, Michael and one day maybe you'll be asked about a little fish pulling itself onto shore too." He says and sees the gleam in Michael's eyes and He smiles.

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><p>Michael feels a small tug on his wings and he looks down.<p>

"Yes, Lucifer?" he asks, suspicious of the giant grin on his little brother's face.

"Look! Look!" tiny fledgling Lucifer tugs on Michael's wing again, not noticing his sibling suck in an unneeded breath at the pain, and points towards the shoreline where a tiny little fish is pushing itself onto shore. Michael smiles.

"Don't step on the fish, Luci. Dad has big plans for that fish…" he says, and Lucifer frowns.

"Can I… find another fish so he has a friend?" he asks and Michael shakes his head.

"No, Luci, the other fish might not be capable of lasting so long on the shore." He says and his Grace flickers as he sees Lucifer's tiny wings droop in sadness.

"Can… I…"

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><p>"…Teach it how to breathe our air, Luci?" Fledgling Raphael asks his big brother who shakes his head.<p>

"No, Raphael that would probably just confuse it…" he says and watches as his brother's face crinkles into a pout and his wings droop in disappointment.

"Well can I…"

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><p>"…Teach him how to talk our language, Raphael?" fledgling Gabriel asks, looking at his big brother Raphael with hopeful eyes. Raphael sighs and shakes his head.<p>

"No, Gabe, we have too many languages and the fish would not be able to remember anyway." Raphael says and he watches as Gabriel's wings droop and his eyes become sad.

"Then can I…"

* * *

><p>"Teach him Poetry, Gabriel?" Fledging Castiel asks, looking up at his big brother Gabriel. Gabriel takes a bite from his chocolate bar and shakes his head, chewing and then swallowing before replying.<p>

"No, Castiel that would be too confusing for the fish and his memory would not be up to remembering everything." He says, watching as Castiel's eyes fill with tears and his wings droop. Gabriel sighs; his brother had such a sensitive Grace. He produces a chocolate bar and holds it before Castiel. "It's yours if you want it… and if you promise not to cry… Michael and Lucifer nearly smote me last time, thinking I'd hurt you or something." he says, watching Castiel's eyes light up as he takes the bar. Gabriel smirks, the Chocolate bar just _barely_ beats the Archangel knife Raphael gave him all those years ago when he'd asked a very similar question and been similarly disappointed…

* * *

><p>Uhm... yeah...<p> 


	15. Hear the Angels Sing

Yeah... uhm here. :)

* * *

><p>And I know you won't be able to understand what I'm going to say, or why I'm saying it but I want you to at least try. There are simply no words Father's children have made yet to describe how utterly hopeless and insignificant and horrible it felt to bear witness to the breaking of Heaven. How it felt to go from just being siblings to... to... the darkest day in Heaven's history. We, the angels, all the angels, we bore witness to the day Heaven's clouds were stained with our blood, the blood of the children most holy. We watched as the First Son threw down the Second while the Third watched in silent denial and the Fourth screamed his anguish and betrayal as he stood in the land where sorrow and pain exist not.<p>

And I know you can't understand what I'm telling you or why I tell you this but I want you to at least try. There are simply no words God's creations have made yet to describe how wholly and completely worthless and small and disgusting it felt to bear witness to the day where the bonds of family, the bonds of brothers ceased to mean anything. How it felt to go from being a family so close to being a family tearing each other down for a throne we could never hope to sit upon, a crown we could never hope to wear. We, the angels, all the angels, we bore witness to the day when a Son's love for his Father tore the entire family apart. We watched as the Holy Family wailed their grief, their anger, desperation and betrayal to the One Most Holy as they stood, with their feet firmly planted in the land where joy reins and tears are shed not.

And I know you don't understand what I've said, or why I have said it but I want you to at least try. There simply will never be words that the Creator's inventions can ever make to describe how totally stupid and betrayed and unloved it felt to bear witness to the day where those most loved became those without love. How it felt to go from loving each other with the entirety of our Grace to _hating _and _despising _each and everyone who was not us or who was not _with_ us. We, the angels, all the angels, we bore witness to the day when love, the greatest and most dangerous of weapons, won. We watched as the Host of the Holy cried without fear or regret for those they lost, for those who they loved who love had destroyed as they stood, in helpless shock, in the land where all are loved and hate grows not.

* * *

><p>What can I say? Inspiration hit...<p> 


	16. Holy Hand Grenade

I totally got bored... so

The majority of this is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail... soo yeah... :)

* * *

><p>Gabriel loved messing with Arthur and his knights. He just could not help it, it was in his nature. So when Arthur called forth the Holy Hand Grenade and asked how it worked, Gabriel couldn't help but mess up the Book of Armaments, then he sat back and watched.<p>

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin and people did feast upon the lams, and the sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large..."

"Skip a bit, brother." Gabriel didn't like that… it was 'bars of chocolate' that was going to come next and he was not happy that it had been skipped but he sighed and continued to watch.

"And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is _right_ out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

"Amen."

"Amen." And Gabriel couldn't help but snicker as Arthur pulled the pin.

"One, two... FIVE!"

"Three, sir."

"THREE!" and Gabriel smiled as the grenade exploded and he righted the wrongs he'd made within the Book of Armaments and flew back to Heaven, what he didn't expect was the disappointed, even angry feeling he had upon re-entering Heaven.

"I'm sorry, Father…" he said, bowing his head.

"GABRIEL!" Gabriel looked up as a blob came at him, all white and feathery and he was bowled over.

"Hey, Cas…" Gabriel said, just lying there, the fledgling lying on his chest, arms wrapped around his neck and he smiled, if coming home meant he got to see his little brothers, indeed, his favourite little brother, then he didn't mind that coming home meant punishment for all the tricks he'd pulled on Earth, and if his punishment was to look after his brothers? Well... he didn't think he minded that one bit.

* * *

><p>:D<p> 


	17. Guilty All This Time?

_Lyrics are Stop by Pink Floyd... :)_

* * *

><p><em>STOP!<em>

And he stops beating against the walls and he stops screaming his rage at his fall.

_I wanna go home._

And he imagines golden gates forming before him, opening for him, calling him home and he takes a step forward…

_Take off this uniform…_

He can feel the hate and betrayal within him, he tries, oh, he tries to cast it aside and takes another step…

_And leave the show._

He tries not to think about how this may well just be another test of his Father's and he takes another step towards…

_And I am waiting in this cell…_

And he stops, falling to his knees, it's not real, it can't be real.

_Because I have to know…_

And he takes a deep breath in and tries not to ask the question he's asked oh so many times…

_Have I been guilty all this time?_

And the rage wells within him, consuming him once more, and the screaming resounds again as the walls shake as he beats at them again, and the open gates close behind him and fade away, leaving him behind to wait in his cell for an answer he's never going to receive.


	18. Happy New Years

Uhm... here :) *offers oneshot... thing...* :D

* * *

><p>And they won't admit it, and why should they admit it? But every New Years Eve, the four of them step through a portal, in Lucifer's case it's the only time he gets to leave his cage, in Raphael and Michael's cases it's the only time they leave Heaven and in Gabriel's case, it's the only time he actually <em>knows <em>where he's going. They step through the portal and it takes them to another world, a world where Heaven and Hell don't exist, where Father and his tests don't matter. A world where they are just four brothers together.

Lucifer is always the first to arrive; Michael jokes that it's because he likes the taste of freedom, Lucifer will never tell that he's first because Michael's second and he treasures _every _moment he can have with his older brother.

Michael always arrives second; Raphael says it's the only time he's leapt at the opportunity to do something that Father hasn't instructed him to do. Michael won't admit it, but… he likes being the first one to see Lucifer, to hug him, to embrace his Grace, to tell him he missed him.

Raphael always arrives third, Gabriel says it's because he just likes boasting he was always the one with the better sense of time between them. Raphael won't admit that it's because he likes being able to see his two older brothers embracing each other and smiling and being big brother, little brother again.

Gabriel is always last; the others joke that it's because he's the baby of the family. Gabriel won't admit that it's because he loves being able to step out of the portal and see all three of his older brothers smiling and rushing over to him in greeting, like they used to when they were in Heaven and he was still Father's Messenger and they were still just four brothers together.

And together on this little world accessible only by four very special, very secret portals, the four brothers can be just that; four brothers, together.


	19. Fall Apart

_"Why Must we fall apart to understand how to fly?" _End of the Dream, Amy Lee and Evanescence. :)

Here you guys go... :P

* * *

><p>And Gabriel could fly, yes, he was Heaven's best flyer but then… he wasn't <em>the <em>best flyer. When a bird learns to fly, there comes a day where it leaves the nest. Gabriel's known how to fly for oh so long now…

'_NOO! LUCIII!'_

And the memory echoes in his mind, forcing him to tears and he feels like he's breaking, falling, being torn apart.

"I'm leaving!" and that's it, then he falls and he flies, and he's never flown so fast or so well and he wanders _'Why must we fall apart to understand how to fly?'_


	20. The Rotting Core

_Lyrics 'Shine on You Crazy Diamond' by Pink Floyd :)_

* * *

><p><em>Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on, you crazy diamond.<em>

And he turns an adorable 5 year old smirk in Michael's direction and his Grace leaps around him in a bright golden light, and Michael, the first of the four, the strongest of the four, turns his eyes from the blinding light.

_Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky. Shine on, you crazy diamond. _

And Michael can see it, when he looks into his brother's eyes, something's missing, there's a light that should be there, that's not, and it nearly breaks him, but it doesn't, he's on a mission.

_You were caught in the crossfire of childhood and Stardom. Blown on the steel breeze._

And Michael saw in his eyes, there was a longing to belong, to be with the rest of the angels who could love, but he couldn't, because he can't, he can't love them, he loves their Father too much to be able to love them… he was the apple of the all seeing eye and now he's just the rotting core inside. And Michael sees the pain in his eyes as he falls.

_Shine on, you crazy diamond…_


	21. It Was the Worst of Times

And one of the worst things He did was force them all to watch as their home deteriorated into their prison and their older brothers became their captors. And though they were created without emotions, without feeling, they grew to hate and they learned what pain and suffering was, and the hate grew and the learning started in their home, where all are free and pain and hate exist not. And with new emotions and new feelings burning within them, they envied and they hurt and they destroyed with a terrifying sickness, a learned bitterness, an acquired taste and a drive to rectify the agony they were in.

And one of the worst things He did was force them all to watch as their home deteriorated into their prison and their older brothers became their captors and the clouds became stained with their blood. And they flew with their broken hearts and wounded wings to war-grounds that once upon a time, used to be the gardens they plucked flowers from to braid in their hair. And those who survived flew back to base with their broken hearts, wounded wings and their bloodstained swords, remembering the days when they used to exchange life blessing gifts to each other instead of death bringing blows.

And the worst thing He did was punish them all for being the helpless victims to mistakes of His own making. And the greatest thing He gave them was the memories of the time when things weren't so bad and two brothers were the best of friends and there was a never ending song of joy playing in Heaven and the devil was something no one knew was waiting around the corner.


	22. Am I Forgiven, Brother?

When they were in Heaven, the Archangels each had different ways of saying sorry to the others if they felt they'd done something that crossed a line. And they each knew whose apology they liked best.

Gabriel's way of apologizing to Michael was that he would give up his allocated hour with their Father that day, Michael absolutely couldn't not be happy with Gabriel after that. His way of apologizing to Lucifer was that he would leave a trinket of some sort and a bar of chocolate behind in Lucifer's little corner of Heaven, he'd also take Lucifer's fledglings out for the day to give Lucifer some time to himself, Lucifer couldn't stay mad at Gabriel as he ate a bar of chocolate and soaked in the hidden pool in the Garden. Gabriel's way of apologizing to Raphael was a warning or a hint to the pranks that would be in some way affecting Raphael the next day and a bolt of lightning fashioned into the shape of whatever object Raphael was fascinated with at the time, Gabriel left a chocolate bar behind as well on the day the lightning bolt was shaped like chocolate, Raphael couldn't stay mad at Gabriel when he was busy trying to work out just how Gabriel had fashioned the lightning bolt this time around.

Raphael's way of apologizing to Michael was that he would give him his allocated hour with their Father that day and the smallest upgrade to Michael's chosen sword, Michael couldn't stay angry at Raphael when he was too busy conversing with his father. His way of saying sorry to Lucifer was a promise that he would defend Lucifer the next time he got caught out for a prank he or Gabriel pulled, and the opportunity to play with the weather, Raphael put down a few rules after Lucifer caused Noah to build an arc, Lucifer couldn't stay mad when he was too busy thinking up pranks and sending hail the size of golf balls falling to the Earth bellow. Raphael's apologies to Gabriel were that he would leave him behind some sort of holy or otherwise powerful or interesting weapon, once he left behind an archangel blade, and he would team up with him on the next prank against Michael, he also left him a giant bar of chocolate each and every time, Gabriel decided not to tell Raphael that a simple bar of chocolate would suffice as an apology.

Lucifer apologized to Michael by giving him his allocated hours with their Father on that day, Michael had no time to be mad with him when he was busy seeing the worlds events with their Father. Lucifer apologized to Raphael by gifting him an object imbued with the essence of lightning, and a day free of his fledglings, Raphael couldn't be annoyed when his hands were free of little siblings and full of an interesting and as yet unstudied object. Lucifer apologized to Gabriel by taking him to Earth and showing him the new sites, and he also taught him new powers, he never gave him a bar of chocolate because he liked to think that it was easy to earn his brothers forgiveness without playing on his weakness, Lucifer was the only one who could withhold chocolate from Gabriel in an apology and still earn forgiveness, Gabriel won't mention that it was only because when they were on Earth he used to get his own chocolate when Lucifer wasn't looking.

Michael apologized to Lucifer by giving him a book that would not be written or seen on Earth for another few centuries and an object of a sort that glowed with their Father's light, Lucifer loved the books most and he used the objects to give light when he needed it. He apologized to Raphael by giving him their Father's leave to cause some sort of natural disaster on Earth and once he offered him the opportunity to have Lightning wings, Michael has never been forgiven as quickly as the time Raphael sunk Atlantis and flew back to Heaven, his wings crackling with lightning. Michael apologized to Gabriel by giving him a chocolate bar and a trip down to Earth, Gabriel wanted to be angry with Michael for giving him a mission while he was meant to be apologizing for giving him a horrible previous mission but Gabriel couldn't help it when he was reminded that if he was on earth he could get as much chocolate as he wanted, Michael felt pretty smug that he'd got his baby brother worked out so well.

The only time the brothers combined their efforts to apologize together was when Michael was threatening an Earth week as mortals and the three younger brothers joined their apology together to give Michael a full day with their Father and a sword that glowed with holy light for the next few months. Michael juggled all of their fledglings the next day as a thank you; he also gave Gabriel a block of chocolate to instruct his fledglings that 'can I have a chocolate bar?' was not appropriate when being taught how to fly. It was the last 'thank you' present Michael gave them, they understood, as he returned their fledglings to them; robes torn, feathers missing from wings, hair on end and a rapidly flickering Grace while the Fledglings bounced happily, their impeccable tiny wings fluttering behind them, and they all watched as Michael flopped onto a cloud bank and fell asleep, completely worn out.


	23. You're Gonna Play Your Roles

"_Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago –the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider… It doesn't seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we travel." Jane Mersky Leder. _

We were a family. We were brothers and sisters under the watchful eye of our father. We were happy, we were a family. But the eldest of Father's children, of our siblings, the Archangels, they were a family apart too.

There was Michael, the eldest. He is the avoider; he tends to avoid everything and anything unless Father orders otherwise. We see now that as we were getting ready for Father's orders for the Children of Earth, Michael avoided all conversations with Lucifer that had not been sanctioned by Father. Everyone knew that the new children would usurp Lucifer's claim of 'the Apple of the All Seeing Eye', Lucifer knew it just as well as all of us but we couldn't help him, we left him to Michael to help and Michael avoided it all together. Michael is the avoider.

Then there was Lucifer, the second child, the Apple of Father's All Seeing Eye. He was the peacekeeper; if angels got in dispute about something we went to Lucifer and he would help us come to an agreement. While he was with us none of Heaven's Host were cast out, until he was. He was the peacekeeper until the peace was snatched from his grasp like a lollipop taken from a baby's hand and he was cast down. Lucifer was the peacekeeper.

Raphael, the Third, Master of the Winds. He was the caretaker; when angels got injured or needed advice they went to Raphael and he would heal them or help them through their trouble. He was our caretaker until the moment when our wounds went deeper than just wounds of our physical beings, when the feelings-we-weren't-meant-to-even-have couldn't be explained or understood with just a few simple words. The moment when he needed advice and healing and he had no one to turn to. Raphael was the caretaker.

Gabriel, the fourth, the Trickster, Lucifer in training, the bane of Michael's existence, the fly that Raphael could not swat. Gabriel was the baby; everywhere he went he would be watched in the fear that he might fall and hurt himself or get stuck somewhere. Everything he wanted, he would get. When an angel wanted something but we couldn't get it on our own, we'd got to Gabriel and he'd get it for us in exchange for a bar of chocolate. He was the baby until the moment that family ties, family names didn't matter anymore, when all he wanted was his family and all he got was his brother's betraying each other and their love bleeding on the clouds as strong arms held him back from stopping the Tearing of the Ties. Gabriel was the baby.

It is ironic that the one brother who has retained his role is Michael, he was the first to be given his role, and he will be the last to stop playing it. He still avoids everything unless it's something he feels Dad has laid down for him, he will still destroy the rest of us if Father ordered it and in a way Father has ordered it and now we're all just twiddling our thumbs and waiting for our end to come.


	24. Salvation is Just Around the Corner

**Can I classify this as 'happy'? Well I am anyway... so deal with it :D**

**Hero by Nickelback. **

**Merry Christmas everyone. **

* * *

><p><strong>Someone told me that love will all save us<br>But how can that be?  
>Look what love gave us.<br>A world full of killing  
>And blood spilling<br>That world never came.**

"Love wins, love always wins." Isn't that what He used to always tell you? Isn't that what He always used to say? But how is this love? How is this love winning?

_An agonized scream as one of your youngest sister's Grace explodes out of her vessel and there's no one able to resurrect her because they're going to join her soon anyway. _

"Love wins, love always wins." Isn't that what He used to always tell you? Isn't that what He always used to say? How is this love? How is this love winning?

_A shocked gasp as one of your younger brother's it cut down by his own commander and there's no one to resurrect him because they think he was the one to turn from Heaven. _

"Love wins, love always wins." Isn't that what He used to always tell you? Isn't that what He always used to say? How is this love? How is this love winning?

_And a cheer goes up, followed immediately by wailing as the victors of the battle survey the battle field and find out just who they lost and how many of their siblings will not be returning home with them. And they realize that love did not win, it did not save them, that it has never saved them, that it never will. _

And you watched as they returned home, broken, bloodied, empty and you wished that you could take away their pain but you knew you couldn't, so you watched them and you hoped they wouldn't give up, because you knew that salvation was just around the corner for them. And as they fell asleep in their respect areas of Heaven, you flew forward in time, returning to your Heaven, the Heaven that was awaiting them. And as you arrived, Lucifer tugged you into a hug and you nearly broke down crying but you didn't have time as Raphael joined the hug and then Michael's arms were around you as well and you were buried in brotherly love and you couldn't help but smile because love had finally won and…

_Welcome back, my son._

And dad was home… you all were.

* * *

><p>If we pretend to be naive... we can say that this really happened... right?<p> 


	25. The Only One Left

_'Left' by Nickelback. Enjoy._

* * *

><p><em>Before he died, I could have sworn he said,<br>_'_I am the only one; I am the only one left,  
><em>_Who ever gave a damn about you!'_

And as Lucifer slams the blade into his brother's Grace and looks into his eyes, they converse silently, their eyes giving away their thoughts. Lucifer's scared, oh so scared and upset but that can't even come close to comparing to Gabriel.

'_I am sorry  
>I am sorry<br>I was wrong  
>I was wrong.'<em>

Gabriel's scared, he's very, very scared and he's upset but he feels more betrayed than anything else. And he conveys with his eyes just how sorry he is for ever thinking he was good enough to try to stop his favourite brother from destroying everything.

'_I've been wrong for way too long.  
>I'm sorry that you're gone.'<em>

And then Lucifer does something the old Lucifer never would have done and as the blade turns and Gabriel's vessel screams his agony, Gabriel's Grace cries his betrayel and his regrets and then together they fall for the last time.


	26. Nothing Left For Me

_No More by Three Days Grace_

* * *

><p><em>Give me a reason,<br>__To stay here  
><em>_Because I don't want to live in fear.  
><em>_I can't stop the rain  
><em>_But I can stop the tears  
><em>_I can fight the fire  
><em>_But I can't fight the fear._

"Gabriel?" and the way he says your name, so soft, so scared, so heartbroken, "Are you leaving?" and the way he asks the question, so innocent, so hesitant, so heartbreaking, it gives you pause and you almost reconsider the words you're going to say next.

_No more,  
>I can't live here<br>No more,  
>I can't take it<br>No more,  
>What do we stand for<br>When we all live in fear?_

"I have to, Castiel, I have to. I can't stay here, not now… there's nothing left for me here." and you feel the way the words hit him like a punch in the face and how his Grace practically shrinks within him, and you nearly feel guilty.

_Give me a reason  
>To stay here<br>Because you don't want to see me leave.  
>I can't stop the rain<br>But I can stop the tears  
>I can fight the fire<br>But I can't fight the fear._

"But we need you, Gabriel." And it's the way he says your name, the way his eyes tear up with the emotions-he's-not-meant-to-have, it's the way he looks at you, and you can see that he's trying to understand when he just can't, that nearly breaks you down, and it nearly makes you decide that you're making the worst decision of your life but then you remember _him _falling and how you didn't interfere and you're more determined than ever to get out.

_No more,  
>I can't live here<br>No more,  
>I can't take it<br>No more,  
>What do we stand for<br>When we all live in fear?_

"You need Michael more!" you say as if that explains everything and you think he's starting to understand, starting to see that if Michael stays you go but if you stay, Michael stays too, and you think he's getting the point that you can't be around Michael anymore. And you want to say you're sorry, want to say that you'll make it up to him for leaving like this, for leaving him to become a soldier in Michael's army, that you're sorry his four eldest brothers destroyed everything for him and the rest of your siblings, you want to tell him he'll be alright but you can't because he won't be because you know… you've seen it… and it's something you don't feel ashamed to be afraid of.


	27. Tell Me Why

I'm actually not sure who's speaking here :P Michael, Raphael or one of the lesser Angels to Gabriel, or Gabriel to Lucifer, or any of the Angels to God. I am not sure :P You pick :P

* * *

><p>And why did you leave? We were happy together, all of us, we were a family. And why did you leave? Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten so why did you leave? We were happy, you didn't have to go. How could you do that? How could you do this to us? And why did it have to be this way? Why did everything have to go so wrong? Why'd you have to leave, leave me? Leave us, all of us? Why? How were we to know things would turn out this way with your absence? And why did you have to leave and doom us all? Doom us all to the agony of your absence… why? How could you do that to us? We were a family, the first family… we were<em> love<em> but love doesn't always win, does it?


	28. Take This Life Make It Yours

_*whimpers* I FEEL SO EMPTY! *cleared out all of her document files and now just has only the Word Documents for stories/fics/random things she hasn't or won't post yet* :/ I FEEL SO NAKEDDD! :(_

_Anyway! This is just a little Brotherly Loving going on here. :D I like Raphael now, it's odd but meh. :P_

_Song: Life Starts Now by Three Days Grace _

_Oh the boys are in their 'vessels' or 'meat suits' in this one :D And it's a little after The Fall :)_

* * *

><p><em>You say you feel so down<br>__Every time I turn around,  
><em>_And you say you should've been gone by now  
><em>_And you, you think that everything's wrong  
><em>_You ask me how to carry on.  
><em>_We'll make it through another day,  
><em>_Just hold on._

"Raphael?" And the older Archangel turns and sees his baby brother standing before him, his wings drooping, his head bowed, his Grace radiating with pain. "Raphael… why does it hurt so much?" And Raphael can't think of anything to say, but he takes a step towards his brother and pulls him close. "I thought about leaving… I-I should have left. I should have gone." And Raphael just holds his brother closer, scared he's going to lose him too. "I can't say here. Everything's gone... so wrong. How did this happen?" and Raphael feels the tears sting his eyes. "Raphy? How do I move on?" and Raphael takes a deep breath in to find his voice.

"Gabe…" he pauses, as his voice shakes and he clears his throat to start again. "Gabriel… we will get through this, alright? We'll get through. Trust me." And he's trying to make himself believe it too.

_Cause life starts now,  
>You've done all the things that could kill you somehow<br>And you're so far down.  
>But you will survive this somehow<br>Because life starts now. _

"Y-you promise, Raphy?" and he sounds so scared and so lost and it nearly breaks whatever heart Raphael has left.

"I promise, bro. I mean, look, you've pretty much done all the things that would have gotten you smitten by Dad, you'll survive this, you will. I promise." He says, placing a feather light kiss on Gabriel's head, causing a small smile to spread across Gabriel's face, he likes this Raphael, the Raphael of his Fledgling days, the Raphael who wasn't afraid to show a little brotherly love every now and then.

_I hate to see you fall down,  
>I'll pick you up off the ground.<br>I've watched the weight of your world come down  
>And now it's your chance to move on.<br>Change the way you've lived for so long,  
>You find the strength you've had inside all along.<em>

He takes a deep breath in, preparing himself for what he's going to say_. _"Gabriel… you should leave Heaven for awhile, go your own way, rediscover yourself. Redefine what makes you. I think this is the only way you can heal." And Raphael misses the scared look in his brother's eyes, if he had seen it; it'd have haunted him unto his own end, knowing he'd sent his baby brother off to his death and his baby brother knew all along.

_Cause life starts now  
>You've done all the things that could kill you somehow<br>And you're so far down.  
>But you will survive this somehow<br>Because life starts now.  
><em>

"Michael's life, my life… Lucifer's life, we've wasted them, we've thrown them away but you don't have to, you've got a choice. Take it, Gabriel, take it. Don't follow our footsteps." And Gabriel thinks he's begging. Raphael doesn't care if he is.

_All this pain  
>Take this life and make it yours.<br>All this hate  
>Take your heart and let it love again.<br>You will survive it somehow._

"Gabriel. Please, if you leave now, you can… you can still love you can still live and you won't have to hate everything, you won't have to feel so empty like you do now. I know that you will survive this, Gabriel, but you have to leave, now." And Raphael's trying so hard not to cry as he tries to make his brother leave, tries to give his brother the opportunities he's never going to have. And Gabriel cries into the hollow of Raphael's neck as he understands what's being offered to him.

_Life starts now.  
>You've done all the things that could kill you somehow<br>and you're so far down.  
>Life starts now.<br>You've done all the things that could kill you somehow  
>And you're so far down.<br>Life starts now._

And the scenery changes and suddenly Raphael's standing before the gates of Heaven, alone, watching a figure disappear beneath the clouds and he takes a shuddering, unneeded breath in and turns and re-enters Heaven, not knowing he'll never see his baby brother again.


	29. Was Never A Surprise

So I have been away for a while... deal with it. :) Anyway here you are. I don't even... :nod: :)

* * *

><p>The most beautiful and equally disgusting thing ever witnessed. The most graceless and equally harmonious thing to ever lay eyes upon. The most heartbreaking thing in the universe and he witnessed it, has experienced it from both viewpoints. The fall.<p>

He has no words to describe it, to describe how loud everyone screamed, the falling and the remaining. How horribly dramatic it was watching them fall, with their arms outstretched to their brothers, sisters, their family in hopes of salvation they knew was never coming. The sickening sound of wings snapping and breaking as they flutter uselessly on their downward spiral. The weightless feeling that comes from having your soul, your essence torn out of your body as the clouds bellow you fall away, plummeting you towards the earth. The sense of impending doom that comes from knowing without doubt that this is the destruction of everything you knew, everything you are.

He witnessed it, watched as his brothers, his sisters, his mentor and his charges, watched as they all fell, listened as they all screamed, cried as they all lost their way. He lamented their loss and blamed everything and everyone for it. Then he followed them, not by choice but not unwillingly either.

The pain was unbearable for him; he felt it as his wings snapped open of their own accord. He screamed in helpless agony as they broke and splintered and tore themselves apart as they fluttered hopelessly in the wind, trying by instinct to keep him afloat. He gave Michael one last heartbroken smile before he was gone. His Grace, his essence clinging onto him with all it had. He was the only angel to hit the ground still whole and yet broken all the same. It was a curse and a gift and he knew, as he had always known, that even the Archangels fall. He looked up at Heaven and a sad smile graced his features. Of the first 4, only the 1st remained wholly naïve, and of course, Gabriel knew it never could have gone any other way. Michael was the 1st, he knew Dad the longest… Dad gave him loyalty above all else, it was never a surprise that he never fell.


	30. It's Not Our Fault it Runs in the Family

_Inspiration for this came from http:/ tardistardis-impala. tumblr. com /post/ 17747362766 /i-can-run-using-every-last-ounce-of-energy-i_

Which is from the song Runs in the Family by Amanda Palmer. :)

Do not own...

Also... don't relaly know that much about the angels, as you will know by now peeps. But you know, if I didn't already inform you. I'm on season 4 now and Castiel is so awkwardly adorable. :D

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><p><em>It runs in the family...<em>

I know where the lines crossed over. (Castiel)

_This famine that carries me..._

I remember when it became difficult to know what was right and what was wrong. (Gabriel)

_Civil war soldiers..._

I understand what it means to be at war within yourself. (Zachariah)

_Somehow she manages in her misery..._

I no longer believe we will survive this. (Anna)

_I'm in hell..._

Everyone assumes you have to die to go to hell, I know better, my life is hell, I never died to get here. (Lucifer)

_Business is business..._

I've been fighting a war for a boss I've never seen. (Rachel)

_Business runs in the family..._

Most older brothers teach their younger siblings how to live, how to have fun. I taught mine how to fight and die for a cause none of us really believe in anymore. (Michael)

_We tend to bruise easily..._

People assume angels don't have feelings, we do. We feel them so deeply no one can see that we're all bleeding, screaming, dying inside. (Joshua)

_Bad in the blood..._

I passed the hatred and passion down through the ranks, it's in our blood, it's part of us. It makes us. (Uriel)

_Me and my family..._

I have missed them all so much, I bump into them so often but it's never them, they've changed. (Anna)

_We're wonderful folks..._

We used to know what it meant to be a family, we used know how to take care of each other, how to create instead of destroy. (Rachel)

_Don't get too close to me..._

We have drifted so far apart and this scares us all so much that we get jealous and scared when a mortal becomes closer to our siblings than we do so we tear each other from the arms of our mortals, we can't help it. It's in our blood. (Castiel)

_Now look what I've done..._

We kill each other, all the time. We look into each others eyes as we fall, we see the regret and acceptance and pain that flashes across our faces, we see it. What have we done to ourselves? (Lucifer)

_Don't blame me..._

It's not my fault, it's not our fault, we had no choice. We didn't know it would end this way, don't blame me, don't blame us, we didn't know what we were doing. (Michael)

_Running is something we've always done well..._

We do one thing better than killing each other, better than destroying bonds so strong they cause oceans to swell and the earth to shake. We run. We've always known how to run and now we run from each other. We run but where can you run when you're running from the very place every other person in existence frolics too? (Gabriel)

_Mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from..._

We run, we don't even know which siblings, which friends and foes we're running from. The enemy of my enemy is still my enemy. Keep your friends close, your enemies even closer, they're one and the same and we don't know when they're not. (Virgil)

_Run from the pity..._

I couldn't stick around, I wasn't going to stick around and listen to them all. I wasn't going to bow to those creatures, wasn't going to let my love be in vain. But it was. (Lucifer)

_From responsibility..._

I took the first opportunity that presented itself to escape, how can I hate and love myself for that? (Gabriel)

_Run from the country and run from the city..._

I can't get away from this, I wish I could, wish I could just leave, but I can't. Because I'm the good son. (Michael)

_I can run from the law..._

We lost sight of what was law and what was not a long time ago, I never broke the rules, the rules broke themselves. We're angels, we make our own laws. (Castiel)

_I can run from myself..._

Everyone ran from Heaven, I couldn't run, I couldn't, so I ran from myself. I locked it all away, how can you still exist as you were when everyone who made you that person are the very people who are tearing you apart? (Raphael)

_I can run for my life..._

I didn't ask for this, but how could I not run for my life? I never asked to be part of this war. I never asked for this. I had to run, there was nothing else I could do. (Anna)

_I can run into debt..._

I wasn't the first angel to go off the reservation, I'm not going to be the last either. I never wanted this. (Rachel)

_I can run from it all..._

So I needed to get away, what of it? I wasn't the only one. Those bastard first four, they did this to us, them and our _loving _father... (Balthazar)

_I can run till I'm gone..._

Death was a release, it was nice. Father has this thing against suicide, if he cares so much he shouldn't have made all his children into soldiers; fighting, dying, killing. He shouldn't have made us all linked so tightly that we can feel it as we take our siblings lives, he shouldn't have made us do this... (Zachariah)

_I can run using every last ounce of my energy..._

We run, we run until we run so far and for so long that we run ourselves into the ground. We run so far that we eventually run to our own deaths. It's not our fault. We didn't ask for this. (Joshua)

_I cannot..._

I tried... (Gabriel)

_I cannot..._

I failed... (Anna)

_I cannot run from my family..._

We're linked through blood, loss and so much pain, we run but we can't ever run far enough, can't ever get away. We run away until we're running towards each other again. It's inevitable. It happens every time. (Balthazar)

_They're hiding inside of me..._

I hear their voices in my mind and I can feel their pains as I feel my own, they are my own. (Michael)

_Corpses on ice..._

Why do we pretend that we're without emotion? Why do we tell ourselves we can't feel? I remember their deaths, I felt their deaths, I died with each of them and they died with me. Why do we pretend they didn't? (Castiel)

_They'd never forgive me..._

So I loved too much and far too easily, now I don't love at all. It's not about forgiveness, not anymore, we've destroyed ourselves too much to be able to ever forgive, it's our curse. I'm sorry. (Lucifer)

_They'll say that I'm crazy..._

They were my brothers, they were my family. How was I to know things would go so wrong? How was I to know I would die for the cause? How was I ever to know? (Gabriel)

_They would say anything if it would shut me up..._

We can't do this... (Michael)

I hate this... (Gabriel)

I miss them... (Lucifer)

I wish we could go back... (Raphael)

Take me back... (Joshua)

Take us back... (Anna)

Help us... (Rachel)

Save us... (Uriel)

We were never meant to survive this, were we? (Virgil)

I wish this war had never started... (Zachariah)

I wish I'd had a better Father, one who never would have given my siblings and I ropes from which to hang ourselves, wings can't help you when all you want to do is fall. (Castiel)

I would give anything to see my family whole again... (Balthazar)


	31. If You Fall

_I'm sorry I haven't been updating anything in a while guys, I've just been busy with school and family stuff... and today I got an excellence on my chemistry test so I'm in a good mood which lead to me being in a writing mood so... :) _

_Anyway... enjoy. And I'm probably gonna update randomly from now on because again... school, but hopefully over the next two weeks (School holidays or as the teachers like to tell me 'Study Break') I'll be able to write more. Anyway, guys. That's about it, ciao. :) _

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><p><em>Fledgling Lucifer holds tight to Michael's hand, his wings quiver and his body shakes. <em>

_"I can't do it, Mikey… I'm scared." He whispers to his brother, cuddling closer as they look down from the Clouds of Heaven. Michael smiles at his little brother._

_"Yes you can, Luci, you'll be fine." He says, giving his brother's hand a reassuring squeeze. Lucifer shakes his head._

_"What if I fall?" he asks, fearful eyes look up into older, calm, supportive ones. Michael kneels down beside Lucifer, taking both his brother's hands in his own when Lucifer turns his body towards him. _

_"I will catch you if you fall, little brother. Trust me. I will catch you no matter what, I promise, okay?" Michael says truthfully. Lucifer frowns before he nods and takes a deep breath; he steps away from his brother and over the edge. His wings extend and float him high over the world. He is flying. _

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><p><em>The sound of fighting and people shouting, a pause, someone screams.<em>

_"MICHAEL!" then it's lost in the wind, torn apart, broken down, muffled. The sickening sound of wings snapping and a being screaming cannot be heard over the sound of the rushing wind, there's nothing, just whispers on the wind, the silent cries of the ties cut loose. He is falling._

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><p><em>"C'mon, Gabby, you'll be fine, absolutely fine, I promise." Lucifer says, biting down on the chocolate bar in his hand. Fledgling Gabriel looks at him nervously.<em>

_"You sure, Luci? Wha…? What if I fall?" Gabriel asks tentatively, eyes big, round and fearful. Lucifer smiles kindly and squeezes Gabriel's hand._

_"Gabe, sweetheart, if you fall, I promise I will be there to catch you." He says, before ruffling his brother's hair. "But I guarantee you won't need me to. And if you hurry up, we can take a trip down to earth to get that cake you so fancy, what was it? 'Angel's Food Cake?'" he says with a smirk. Gabriel grins widely and dives over the edge, his wings extending and lifting him high into the air. He laughs as he flies._

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><p><em>The sound of people shoving each other and yelling, statements of anger and hatred and betrayal all thrown together but one beats out louder than the rest. <em>

_"Shove it! I'm done. Have Heaven, Michael, have all of Heaven. Do what you want, do whatever you want. You always do and I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I hope this is everything you wanted." Michael pauses, a look of pain flashes across his face as his youngest brother steps back and over the edge. Michael reaches out, arms grabbing at thin air as his brother falls. _

_Lucifer uses all of his power and sends his most trusted of his fallen brothers to catch Gabriel, because he can't be there to do it himself, it becomes his greatest regret. _


	32. Guardian Angel

I don't know guys... just read it okay?

And... Imma just gonna put it here. I'm far too lazy to check my inbox at the moment... so that's why I haven't replied to anything. :) I'm just lazy, alright? Leave me alone...

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><p>Raphael didn't get involved with the fight that waged between his brothers, he couldn't get involved. He saw the damage they were doing to each other and he couldn't bear to even entertain the notion of him damaging them further, for no reason other than it was expected of him. He couldn't do it.<p>

Michael and Gabriel watched Lucifer as he fell, Michael's arms hanging at his sides, his hands twitching, his face indifferent, Gabriel's mouth open in a scream that never sounded but never seemed to end, his arms out, hands groping thin air for the brother he might have saved. They watched Lucifer fall; Raphael watched them as they did. Michael watched Gabriel as he jumped, Michael's arms outstretched, his hands reaching out to the brother he should have caught, mouth open with an agonizing scream, slowly dying. Michael watched Gabriel jump; Raphael watched as he did.

Lucifer never got to see the way Gabriel fell apart, never got to see the way a darkness fell upon Heaven that was all Gabriel's doing, never got to see his baby brother slowly fading. Gabriel never got to watch as Michael nearly gave up fighting, never got to see the way Heaven fell into disarray, never got see the way his eldest brother stopped trying at all.

Raphael watched as Lucifer started slipping away, slipping into the dark things he never should have touched, Raphael watched as he fell and stole his brothers Graces as he did. Raphael watched as Gabriel brought a constant night over Heaven, watched as Gabriel flooded the earth with his tears, watched as Gabriel's light started to fade, watched as Gabriel threw himself from Heaven and took with him the last rays of light Heaven held. Raphael watched as Michael closed himself off, watched as he let his mind slip away completely, he watched as his brother became a machine, watched as Heaven turned from light into dark, from peace into war.

No, Raphael refused to get involved in the fight that waged between his brothers, refused to be the cause behind the sadness he could see so clearly in their graces, refused to be the cause behind the darkness that could be seen in their inner lights. Raphael watched the damage they inflicted on each other and he did what he could to help them.

He sent Lucifer sailing into deep dreams when the Fallen Angel couldn't think straight anymore, when he couldn't tell what was going on. These brief dreams where the only things that gave Lucifer peace and kept him fighting to survive another day. He tossed Gabriel back and forth through time when Heaven's Baby couldn't find the will to cause trouble anymore, when he couldn't remember that things would get better. These brief glimpses in time where the only things that gave Gabriel pause, that kept him laughing and pranking enough to get him through the next few months. When Heaven's First started losing faith and started to fade, Raphael threw him orders, as his healer, to go and have fun, to go and read a book, to just get out and relax and when Michael wouldn't listen, Raphael would use his powers over the wind to force Michael out of Heaven and off down to earth. These forced vacations, as brief as they were, kept Michael fighting, kept him trying, kept him believing that things would get better because they couldn't get any worse, they kept him believing that Dad would come back because Michael couldn't survive if he knew he'd never see Dad again.

Raphael didn't involve himself in the fight that waged between his brothers; he stood on the side lines and did what he could to heal them as they damaged themselves beyond repair. Raphael gave up trying the moment he felt Lucifer kill Gabriel, that was the moment he knew there was nothing he could do for them anymore, knew that it was time to let his patients go and so he did.


	33. Tis a Bitter Pill to Swallow

I don't know what happened with this, okay? It just happened so deal with it. :)

I despise the new Fanfiction 'My Stories' layout... give me back the older one, it was easier to use. *scowl*

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><p>Everyone assumes that just because they're angels, they have the perfect everything, they don't and it hurts them beyond imagining when they have to pretend, for the sake of Heaven, that all is well with them. Every Angel wants to be human, every angel hates humans because they know they can never be one, know they can never be one and get away with it. Every angel knows that no matter where they go, Heaven will catch up with them.<p>

Gabriel became Loki somewhere along the way, and he supposed it suited him. The God of Lies, he was a God in his own right but his own God wasn't around to offer any tips.

'Everything will get better.' He would say to himself after another death reached him over the Angel Radio.

'Family wins every time.' He would say when it hit the anniversary of his fall, which coincided with the anniversary of his brother's.

'Love will win. Love always wins. That's what Dad said, and Dad's always right.' He'd tell himself on the days he would check in on his old fledglings; Anna, Castiel, Balthazar and oh so many more.

He was the God of Lies, but even he could not lie convincingly to himself all the time. The God of Lies, so adept at seeing when people are lying that he could tell, without even hesitating, when he lied to himself.

Everyone assumes that just because they're angels, they have the perfect everything, they don't and it hurts them beyond imagining when they have to pretend to themselves, for the sake of Heaven, that all is well with them. Every Angel wants to be human, every angel hates humans because they know they can never be one, know they can never be one and get away with it. Every angel knows that they can hack out their Grace, their wings, their entire identity and Heaven will still come knocking on their door.

The Angels of Heaven grimace silently when they accept souls of the humans into Heaven, they grimace because for so long they've been trapped, trying so desperately to get away while these unknowing souls filter through by the second, ignorant of the _hell _they've just willingly thrown themselves into. The Angels would give anything to be able to live a human life, they never can, it's a bitter pill to swallow, but they swallowed it with all the Grace allowed to them.


	34. You Want it Once More With Feeling?

So... yeah... whatever. Just read or something. Bleh.

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><p>'<em>This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your own family.'<em>

Castiel sees the look in Gabriel's eyes and for a fleeting moment it feels like his heart's in his throat. _Oh, Dean, you have no idea. _he thinks as he looks into the voids that are Gabriel's eyes.

Gabriel watches the flames disappear but he doesn't move, he stands stock still and stares. _Where is my motivation to rebel, Dean? Where? My second oldest brother rebelled, stood up, said no, and look where that got him. My eldest brother stood up and said in front of the entire Host of Heaven that family meant NOTHING and look where we are. My third and last older brother stood up and said that our Father is dead and that no matter what happens, he does what he wants because family means nothing anymore. So where is my motivation, huh, Dean? Where is my calling to step up and take my fall with the rest? You think you're so special, so strong, and so great. You don't hold a candle up to my brothers and I. My mentor turned into the DEVIL, Winchester, my eldest brother turned into an obsessive bastard and our healer turned into the wilfully ignorant bastard who spends his time watching over his charges and destroying anything that tries to threaten his distractions. Yeah… this is all my fault… _Gabriel thinks, watching the water hitting the floor. Castiel gives him one last look before he takes his leave.

'_I miss you.' _Slips unwanted from his lips before he steps from the warehouse, Gabriel sinks to his knees in the middle of the burnt out ring and tries to tell himself that the water rushing down his face is from the sprinklers, not his own eyes, he tries and fails, the Master of Lies and Deceit cannot deceive himself.


	35. To the Rhythm of the War Drums

Bleh, all the feeeellllssss.

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><p><em>Let us dance one more celestial dance, let us sing for the brother we no longer share. <em>

The first thing Castiel thinks of doing when he feels Gabriel die is to appear before Dean, though he knows he can't, and scream and yell and hurt the man. To shout '_this is all your fault!' _at him, to bombard him with celestial energy, which he no longer possesses, to just make him hurt like Castiel was hurting. And really, wasn't it Dean's fault? Wasn't it _Dean_ who had broken the first seal? Wasn't it _Dean_ who had made Gabriel stand up and fight against the brother who loved him most and who he loved most? Wasn't it _Dean_ who had left Gabriel in there alone?

Then reason and grief took over and his anger ebbed away as his knees buckled and he fell, his grace, his _heart _aching in his chest as he sobbed.

'_No.'_ it was a broken whisper that fled his lips and even cut off from Heaven as he was, he felt the other angels mourning, felt the way their Graces connected in a celestial dance of sorrow and loss and pain, felt how their Graces mingled with his own and together they sang, together they mourned.

When Gabriel died, he took with him the last of Heaven's hope to end things peacefully. Gabriel had been, for all intents and purposes, Lucifer's baby, Lucifer had raised him, guided him, loved him and Lucifer had been the one to kill him. If Gabriel hadn't survived, what made them so special?

_Let us mourn for the family that fell far too fast, let us cry for the hearts that we have torn out, let us sway to the sound of the world crashing down._

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><p>I don't even know, guys. Just go with it, alright? :)<p> 


	36. Counting Bodies Like Sheep

I am kind of in a crappy mood and by crappy mood I mean I'm a few words and a few thoughts away from bursting into tears and declaring 'that's it! That's it! That's the last time I ever try for any-god-damn-thing.' so... yeah, I chose to do Shuffle challenge in my last class this afternoon and well... *shrugs* Here's a product of that...

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><p>Song: Counting Bodies Like Sheep<br>Artist: A Perfect Circle  
>Fandom: Supernatural<br>Pairing: None.

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><p>The battle ends, they are victorious, but they're not, are they? Not really. The bodies that are being rounded up, the only things that remain to hint that these used to be living things once, living people who didn't know what they were getting themselves into when they said 'yes' to the angels watching over their shoulders. The patterns of ash that look so much like wings, the only things that remain to hint that these used to be angels once, angels whose lives counted for nothing and whose bodies are being counted like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums.<p> 


	37. Maybe They Needed to be Wanted

Feels!

Uhm, I don't own the song. It's Bully by Three Days Grace and I've been meaning to write this song for like months now! You should go listen to it. :)

It's Lucifer, seeing as I see the 'family' as being Luci, Michael, Gabe and Raphael, and the Bully being Luci so he's speaking about how everyone blames him or his brothers for the things that went wrong in Heaven... :)

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><p>'<em>He wakes up haunted with voices in his head, nobody knows it but today he won't go unnoticed.'<em>

Memories swirl inside his head, memories of people screaming, people crying, memories of people falling down, down, down. He's kept himself to the shadows in this hard time, trying to remain as unobserved as possible, but he's had enough now.

'_He can't forget, can't forgive for what they said, he's never been so hurt, but today, the screaming is over.'_

The words that cut like knives, the cries that chill his fiery grace and the unneeded breaths that hitch and nearly break him. The screaming in his mind, his body and his grace that just won't stop, until today. He won't take this anymore. He will never forget them, never forgive this.

'_Blame the family, blame the bully, blame it on me, maybe he needed to be wanted.'_

They blame the four of us for the things that went wrong, they blame me for the ones that fell, they blame me for everything but it's not my fault. They blame me for the fact that we were made with love but never really given it, they blame me for the fact that he was made with a _heart _where his grace should have been. They blame me for the fact that he cared too much and too easily and that he wore his heart on his sleeve, but maybe he just needed to be wanted, maybe he just needed us to be wanted.

'_She takes the long way home, fighting her emotions, she's a loner but tonight she won't go unnoticed.'_

Orders and forbidden emotions and unknown feelings swirl around her and inside her head and she trembles as she flies, this can't be happening. A superior she may be but she's still at the bottom of the food chain and she doesn't want to do this anymore. She's through with this, she can't do this.

'_She can't remember when she loses her temper, nobody knows her but tonight, the silence is over.'_

She claws at her vessel, claws at herself, tearing at her grace as tears are falling warm and wet from her eyes and she snarls at herself, she hates herself. Her wings are starting to snap as the grace holding them together falters and she starts to fall. She cries and she screams as she plummets, tearing out the last piece of her grace and letting it soar away from her, she's through with following orders, she's not an angel anymore.

'_Blame the family, blame the bully, blame it on me, maybe she needed to be wanted.'_

They blame her superiors for her failure, they blame me for the 'taint' in her grace, they blame me for everything that is not my fault. They blame me for the fact that they never knew their father and never got the chance, they blame me for the fact that she was made with a righteous passion instead of an overwhelming sense of loyalty. They blame me for the fact that she was not blind to the crimes they were committing, the people they were slaughtering and the angels that fell and nobody cried for, but maybe she just needed to be wanted, maybe she needed us to be wanted.

'_Blame the family, blame the bully, blame it on me, maybe they needed to be wanted.'_

Everyone blames me for the things that went wrong, they blame me or they blame Michael or Gabriel or Raphael, they blame the brothers that raised them, that guided them, that taught them right from wrong, they blame us who were better fathers to them than our own. They blame us for not being good enough, for not remaining true enough, for not being pure enough. They blame us for not wanting them, they blame us for betraying them, and they blame us for Father leaving them. Maybe they just needed Father to want them, maybe they just needed Father to want us, maybe they just needed Father and they blame us because we raised them and He did not think them good enough. Maybe they just needed to be wanted.

'_Blame the family…'_

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><p><em>Sorry I haven't posted in like forever, my Loki feels havejust been taking over... damn Loki. <em>


	38. All is Well

Feels. :)

Here is a chapter all about Balthazar, because Ellie asked for one ages ago and because I asked Arya to pick an angel and she picked Balthy. :)

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><p>You were Gabriel's protégée, Castiel was his favourite but Castiel wouldn't listen and you were so, so eager and he saw in you the qualities of a trickster. You were Gabriel's protégée, you always learnt from his mistakes and you would be damned if you were going to die the same way he did, with your brother stabbing a knife through your grace, no, you always learnt from Gabriel's mistakes.<p>

Castiel never learnt to identify the fakes, never took the time to study the way Gabriel's grace worked or the way yours did. Castiel never learnt to understand the 'amateur hocus-pocus' that Gabriel taught you to use, Castiel was his favourite, but he never listened. It was not through your grace that the knife cut, not your grace but a copy of it and Castiel never knew, you'd faked your death once, why not do it again?

You were Gabriel's protégée and Gabriel was Lucifer's, you learnt from Gabriel's mistakes and he learnt from Lucifer's, so is it really a surprise when there's a fluttering of wings, a hand on your shoulder and a familiar voice laughing in your ears? Gabriel learnt from Lucifer not to trust his brothers, you learnt from Gabriel not to trust anyone, so, really, is it a surprise when you're both ordering the same drink at the same bar and laughing with each other over the same old things you've always laughed about?

You were Gabriel's protégée, Castiel was his favourite but Castiel never listened and you were always so eager.

"They're just playing along with our ruse, right? They do realize those knives could have killed us?" it's a throwaway question and Gabriel answers it with a genuine laugh.

"Forget that, I want to know if they realize that the professionals were amateurs once too…" and you're laughing with your brother, in a nice new little bar named 'The Survivors Club,' in the city of the Angels and, for the time being, all is well.


	39. If We're Fuck Up, You're To Blame

The Fall from Zach's POV. I tried and therefore none of you should judge me... :)

Also... feeeeeellllssss

The Halo reference is from A Perfect Circle's 'The Noose'  
>The title and the lyrics below are from Blink 182's 'Anthem Part 2'<p>

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><p><em>We really need to see this through, <em>  
><em>We never wanted to be abused.<em>  
><em>We'll never give up, it's no use.<em>  
><em>If we're fucked up, you're to blame.<em>

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><p>Is it too late to say we're sorry? Too late to say we didn't mean things to go this way? Too late, is it too late?<p>

''_Don't be an idiot, Lucifer.'_

We didn't witness the Fall, we didn't see it. We were too young, not old enough, not important enough to be there when the Four convened and do you think it would have gone differently if we had been?

'_Luci… stop it. Michael… shut up! Raphael! Do something!'_

We're linked, we are, all of us. We didn't have to witness the Fall to feel it, to hear it, to have our Grace's explode with pain we'd never felt before. We could hear them talking, fighting, arguing but they couldn't hear us, couldn't hear us yelling at them to listen, to stop fighting, to just stop. They couldn't hear us because they didn't even know we could hear them, too preoccupied with tearing themselves apart they didn't realize that they hadn't sealed themselves off from us. Too upset by the turn of events to remember that it wasn't just the four of them anymore.

'_Hush, Gabriel, Lucifer has rebelled, it is Michael's duty to cut him down, to betray the bonds Father instilled in us since the moment of our creation. It is Michael's duty, as the good son, to choose loyalty over family. Hush.'_

Screw the humans, the meat suits, the ones that came after. They don't deserve our protection, our help, our guidance, screw the humans. Father gave them free will, gave them the choice to follow him or to not, gave them the choice to love us or to hate us and why shouldn't we be granted that as well? Why did it betray Father so when Lucifer exercised his own free will and refused to love those disgusting creatures? Why?

'_I am sorry, Father, but I cannot love them, they are flawed and they are murderous and they do not deserve your love or mine. They will destroy that planet and blame you for not saving them.'_

Funny, how Lucifer didn't see that it would not be Father the humans would blame, funny that he didn't see what would happen to him. Funny how the sun still rose even when the Morning Star had fallen, funny how God left when Satan fell. Funny how God's favourite was the one to rebel, funny how God abandoned us after we shoved his favourite child down. It's funny because wasn't it Father's order to toss Lucifer? Wasn't it Father's decree that any Angel refusing the Lord's word was to be cast down? Wasn't it? Then why was he so disgusted when we followed through? Why was he so upset? Did Lucifer break from God or did Michael break from Heaven? It makes you wonder because Heaven fell when Satan did and no one has seen God since and who had the most to gain with Father's absence?

'_God? God has left the building.'_

God has left and nobody cares when He's coming back, He comes back and we'll all gladly throw ourselves down to hell. No one wants Him back, we may say we do but fuck Him and fuck His cause and fuck Michael, they screwed us all over. How many angels had to die for their stupid 'righteous idea?' How many of my brothers and sisters have exploded in great holy light right before my eyes because Heaven needed it to be so? How many of my siblings do I fight against day in and day out because they found the nerve to stand up to our leaders? How many wings charred into the ground have been put there by my blade? And how many more do there need to be before this all ends? God can come back; can return with gifts and a showering of love and affection and 'I missed you's and chocolates for all but the children have grown up now and they're not stupid enough to believe the lies daddy spills to them anymore. Father can come back, but we won't be around to welcome Him home, He's made sure of that.

'_Freedom is a length of rope; God wants you to hang yourself with it.'_

You can only fly so far when there's a collar around your neck chaining you to the ground. You can only fly so far when there's a halo that's slipped down around your neck and is tugging you back to the ground. You can only fly so far before you realize there's nowhere for you to go even if you could get away. You can only try for so long before your wings lose the strength to hold you up and your body refuses to work. You can only live for so long when your life is tied to a being who cast his own brother down. You can only believe for so long after the person that gave you love abandoned you to kill yourself with it.

The leash was so short to begin with and we still had so far to fall after it choked us.

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><p><em>Everything has fallen to pieces,<em>  
><em>Everything has fallen to pieces,<em>  
><em>Everything has fallen to pieces,<em>  
><em>Everything has fallen to pieces,<em>  
><em>Everything has fallen to...<em>


	40. No One Cares That You're Broken

_I have no idea what this is and if Cas seems a bit ooc, sorry. I was experiencing major feels when I wrote this because... kgjdfejgi DEAN YOU ARE SUCH A DICK! And I'm still on season 6 because I am useless but... seriously that line broke my heart... ignore my rant at the bottom of this page... :) _

_Oh and the song is 'The Enemy' by Mumford and Sons :) _

* * *

><p><em>Give me hope in silence<br>It's easier, it's kinder._

Why didn't you just shut up, Dean? Did you not understand that my hands were tied? You and Sam were our last hope why didn't you just shut up?

_Tell me not of heartbreak  
>It plagues my soul, it plagues my soul. <em>

'_If there's anything worth dying for, this is it… You Spineless, soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.'_

'_Dean-'_

'_We're done.'_

What did you know of Angels, Dean? Of our souls? What did you know of our lives? Nothing! You knew nothing, you had no right to preach to me of things worth dying for, or families that never deserved to burn, you knew nothing, but I did and it seems like I always have. The 'heartbreak' I know would split your very soul in two, so you should have kept your mouth shut, Dean.

_But I am not the Enemy  
>It isn't me, the enemy.<em>

'_We've been through much, you and I. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it ended like this.'_

I was not your enemy, Dean, I wasn't the one calling the shots, I wasn't the one yelling at the people trying to help. No matter what you thought, it wasn't me. I only ever wanted to help but you didn't see that, did you? You never saw that.

_But I came and I was nothing  
>And time will give us nothing.<em>

'_I am cut off from heaven and much of heaven's power. Certain things I can do, certain things I can't.'_

You called for me and I answered and I truly am sorry that there was nothing I could do for Bobby but you cannot blame me for that. I answered when you called and I was honest when you asked an impossible task of me so you cannot blame me.

_So why did you choose to lean on  
>A man you knew was falling?<em>

'_You're telling me you lost your mojo just in time to get me stuck in this trap the rest of my life?' _

'_I'm sorry.'_

'_Shove it up your arse.'_

You knew the situation, you knew things weren't going so well, you knew I was breaking from heaven, why the hell did you choose to fall back on me? Why did all of you believe I was so much more powerful than I was? You knew angels could fall and I never tried to hide from you what would happen if I rebelled but you just ignored all that, didn't you? All that mattered was that I came when you called and I obeyed your every command, isn't it? You didn't care that I was falling, for you, you didn't care that I was losing, for you, you didn't care that I lost my grace, for you, you just cared about you but why'd you have to choose to lean on me? You always knew that I was falling.

_Give me hope in silence  
>It's easier, it's kinder.<em>

You should have kept your mouth shut, Dean, but then you never could keep it shut, could you? You didn't understand what you did to me, how could you? You turned my need to find God into something else completely; you took me from needing to find him to save the world to needing to find him to keep my faith and thank you, Dean, thank you. You should have just kept your mouth shut.

_Tell me not of heartbreak  
>It plagues my soul, it plagues my soul.<em>

'It's a pipe dream, Cas'

'_I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled. And I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. You and your brother destroyed the world and I lost everything, for nothing. So keep your opinions to yourself.'_

Still you did not understand me, my kind, still you did not understand. You couldn't keep your mouth shut and you screwed everything. Congratulations, Dean, you just kept on throwing salt in the wound.

_And bury me beside you  
>I have no hope in solitude<br>And the world will follow  
>To the earth down below.<em>

'_Maybe… maybe Joshua was lying…'_

'_I don't think he was, Cas, I'm sorry.'_

'_You son of a bitch, I believed in… I don't need this anymore, it's worthless.'_

I left the fate of the world in your hands, I had no hope left; I had nothing to believe in and you were better than nothing. I shouldn't have brought it up, it was stupid. God obviously didn't want to be found and I should have left it that way, shouldn't have even tried looking but you turned it into more than just a need to save the world, you turned it into a need for me to save my faith and I couldn't because I couldn't find him. Thank you, Dean, everything you touch you corrupt.

_But I came and I was nothing  
>And time will give us nothing.<em>

'_Sam?'_

'_Cas?'_

'_I heard your call, I need help.' _

I heard Sam's call and I fought it, I fought against them, I tried to fight my way back, you needed me and I tried to respond. I always heard when one of you called for me, I always heard and I always tried to answer, sometimes things just got in the way, I'm sorry.

_So why did you choose to lean on  
>A man you knew was falling?<em>

'_I can't help. You understand? I can't. I destroyed… everything and I will destroy everything again. Can we please just leave it at that?'_

'_No. No we can't.'_

'_Dean…'_

'_We can't leave it. You let these friggin' things in. So you don't get to make a sandwich. You don't get a damned cat. Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas, clean up your mess.'_

From the moment I laid my hand on you, I was fallen. You knew this as well as I did, Dean, so why did you trust me? Why did you fall back on me? I was lost and everyone seemed to know it but me, but thank you, Dean, for taking for granted everything I was and everything I did for you. I came when you called and I fell for the right to call you my friend, I'm sorry that didn't mean anything to you. No one is perfect, Dean, God's a brilliant example of that, so don't you feel like you have a right to judge me for the mistakes I've made, you started the apocalypse and I forgave you for it, thanks for doing the same for me, thanks for picking a fallen angel to be your rock. You're the best friend I have ever had and I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations, but you didn't live up to mine either.

* * *

><p>Rant here because feels:<br>You little shit, Dean. *I* care if Castiel is broken, you can just f*ck off if you don't. Seriously, baby, I love you but none of you treat Cas right, and I don't care about your 'tough love' shit, Cas has given enough for you, he has proved himself to you and sure he screwed up but so have you guys and he hasn't judged you for that. He _fell _for you, don't you understand that, Dean? He fell, he gave up everything for you. He murdered his brothers for you, would you murder Sam for him, Dean? Would you? Huh, huh would you? They were his brothers, Dean and he killed them for you guys and you repay him by yelling at him and treating him like crap? Well done, Dean, well f*cking done, you're a real hero. Castiel is, was an angel of the lord, he is not and has never been your f*cking pet. He's thousands of years older than you, and you, you little f*ck, you treat him like shit, you're lucky he hasn't punched your f*cking lights out, because I would have. I would have. And remember that time he pulled you from Hell, Dean? Do you remember that? I bet you don't, even though his hand is f*cking scarred into your shoulder, but I bet you've already forgotten, you little shit. You taught him how to feel and how to disobey, you were the one who did this, he was only trying to help you, this is YOUR mess, Dean, not his. You f*cking clean it up.


	41. Selective Ignorance

So after having the 'Edit Document' window of this open for about 4-5 hours I decided it was finally time to post.

(No I didn't spend 4-5 hours on this piece... I got distracted half way through editing and spent 4-5 hours listening to Kris Allen songs... and they are all now safely in my playlist so I can continue with this... enjoy.)

* * *

><p>'Damn you, Michael! Damn you! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!' Raphael chooses to ignore his precious baby brother yelling at his eldest sibling. He chooses to turn another page in his book and read the words there than to acknowledge the way his baby brother is breaking.<p>

'Why would you do that, Michael? Why would you do that?' Raphael chooses to groom his wings as he reads instead of acknowledging the tears streaming down his precious baby brother's face. He chooses to ignore the way his little brother's crying has caused it to start raining down on Earth.

'I don't understand. I don't understand. How could you do this to us?' Raphael chooses to make it stormy down on Earth rather than acknowledge the way his youngest brother has thrown himself at Michael and is punching him in the face, or attempting to. Raphael chooses to ignore the way Gabriel gasps and gives a small cry of pain and surprise when Michael's hands close around his neck.

'Don't make me do this, Gabe. Don't make me throw you down too!' Raphael chooses to ignore the way his eldest brother sounds neither reluctant nor remorseful of his actions. Raphael chooses to make the seas of Earth swell than to acknowledge the way Gabriel is slowly passing out.

'There was no other way, Gabe. Luci had to go, he betrayed father, betrayed us. He had to go.' Raphael chooses to ignore the way Gabriel's eyes are starting to roll back in his head. Raphael chooses to flood a coastal village than acknowledge the way Michael's wings are twitching, Raphael chooses to ignore the fact that Michael's wings always twitch when he lies.

'If you rebel, you have to go, Gabriel. Lucifer could have destroyed heaven if I hadn't thrown him down.' Raphael chooses to ignore the way Gabriel falls to lie motionless on the cloud when Michael lets go. He chooses to paint a rainbow in the sky and halt the falling rain than acknowledge the way Michael's eyes have clouded over with an emotion he's not meant to have; fear.

'Lucifer betrayed dad, he made dad go away; he deserved to be thrown out!' Raphael chooses to ignore that it's their brother that Michael's talking about. Raphael chooses to rip a tree from the ground using his control over the wind than to acknowledge that he feels angry, upset and betrayed by what Michael has done, what their father has done.

Raphael is so busy ignoring what's going on around him that he nearly misses the way Gabriel rolls himself over the edge. He nearly misses the way his brother vanishes without a word. Nearly misses the all too painful fact that he never got to say goodbye. Raphael chooses to say their father is dead, because it beats having to come to terms with the fact that their father created them, loved them then threw them away the moment he created something better. Raphael chooses to say that it's not their fault they've royally screwed everything up. They had no warning, they had no plan, all they had was each other and their father took that away from them too.


	42. Empty Chairs at an Empty Table

Thousand apologies for any feels obtained by reading this fic.

All the lyrics in this piece are from Les Mis *crying* So... feels will be had.

Enjoy.

* * *

><p>There is a table; it starts as a simple slab of marble, big enough for every human being ever alive on earth to sit at with enough room to relax in. This is how their table starts, just a simple slab of marble; no chairs, no nothing, because they do not exist yet. Nothing happens until one day a simple marble chair appears, followed by another, and then another, and another, there's nothing unique about these chairs, they are simple white marble, nothing more. But suddenly there is life where once none existed.<p>

Michael fills the first chair and back here, when he is young, he kicks his feet up onto the table and leans back into his hard marble chair and he is happy. Lucifer fills the second chair and back here, when he is young, he admonishes Michael for his behaviour, tables were for eating not for feet, but he doesn't really care, not as long as he gets to turn in his chair and drape his legs over the armrest. Raphael reluctantly fills the next chair and back here, when he is young, his only comment upon seating is always a complaint about having important studies to do, but he likes the family time so he always shows up and relaxes into his chair. Gabriel fills the last seat, the seat that will be the last for quite some time, not that they will notice. Back here, when Gabriel is young, he slips into his seat and slides around so that he is lying on his back with his head hanging over the front of the chair and his legs resting against its hard marble back and that is how he stays until they decide what food they wish to eat. No one says anything to Gabriel, because they know that Gabriel likes messing things up and going against the proper order, they're used to it. This is how they share their meals, with laughter and idle chatter, and no one sitting properly, they are happy, they are a family.

The table witnesses a lot of things in the time between those first four seats appearing and the next few. By the time the next few chairs begin appearing at the table, with other beings to take their place, gone are the routines the original four used to have. No longer does Michael kick his feet up on the table, no longer does Lucifer drape himself across his chair, no longer does Raphael relax, if he shows up to fill his chair at all, and no longer does Gabriel turn himself upside down. Gone is the easy laughter and the idle chatter, gone is the ease at which they sat in each other's presence, gone is their happiness and their sense of brotherhood. If the table could talk, surely it would weep.

Ever more chairs appear and with those chairs comes new life, but even so a great sadness begins to settle among the first four and the simple slab of marble watches as those who brought it to life tear apart their own. There are cracks, so many little cracks forming in the marble, fractures and fault lines and little craters on its surface. Each tells a story of their arguments, more pointless matches of brother against brother, they forget but the marble remembers because no matter how hard they try, they cannot repair the damage they do to their Father's table. It is Lucifer and Michael, always Lucifer and Michael, whose hands slam down onto the hard marble that always splinters and cracks beneath their power. Raphael stopped coming to meals a long time ago, which means it is Gabriel who leaves the hand shaped indents on the originally smooth cut edges, the marble fracturing beneath his hands with the force he always exerts when he launches to his feet. If the table could weep, surely it would scream.

_Will you join in our crusade?  
>Who will be strong and stand with me?<br>Beyond the barricade  
>Is there a world you long to see?<br>Then join in the fight  
>That will give you the right to be free. <em>

The chairs are still appearing with more beings appearing to fill them, the first four have grown even further apart than before, and now Lucifer stands up. Their chairs are still appearing but already their Father moves on, they have failed, they know. They aren't perfect, they aren't right, they have failed. Lucifer speaks but Michael is right there to beat him back down again, Lucifer speaks but almost no one is brave enough to listen. Lucifer speaks and is cast down, a mere handful go with him. The chairs are still appearing with more beings appearing to fill them, but the chairs are starting to empty now; a chair for every angel and a fall for every one too. If the table could scream, surely it would never stop.

_Did you see them  
>Going off to fight?<br>Children of the Barricade  
>Who didn't last the night.<br>Did you see them  
>Lying where they died?<br>Someone used to cradle them  
>And kiss them when they cried.<br>Did you see them  
>Lying side by side? <em>

For every new chair that appears three more empty, and so it continues, more angels fall and more are created but it is not the same, the empty chairs are not filled again. Gabriel leaves his final mark on the table the day he leaves; he listens to Michael grinding out orders for the 'garrisons' and suddenly he can't take it anymore. His fist slams down onto the marble; the entire slab shakes and threatens to shatter beneath his hand, Michael pauses long enough to look at him and see the anger flashing in his eyes. Gabriel speaks, Michael does not listen. Gabriel speaks, Michael does not care. Gabriel jumps, Michael does not notice. If the table had a choice, surely it would have broken by now.

_There's a grief that can't be spoken.  
>There's a pain goes on and on.<br>Empty chairs at empty tables,  
>Now my friends are gone.<br>Here they talked of revolution.  
>Here it was they lit the flame.<br>Here they sang about tomorrow  
>And tomorrow never came.<em>

A chair for every angel and a fall for every one too, so many empty chairs at the table, their table, the table that existed before them, the table that had always awaited them and now watched them go. Michael fell, not from heaven, but into hell none the less. Raphael was murdered, Balthazar, Anariel, Gabriel, Uriel, Rachel and all the others too. They staged their rebellions and stated their opinions and now their chairs are empty and no new ones now appear. Empty chairs at an empty table, because now the guests are dead. If the table had a choice, it would forget the ones it lost.


End file.
